-WARNING MUSH ALERT-
Time sure flies when you are having fun. As I sorted through one of my older blog entries I was reminded of an event four years ago this week that would forever change my life for the better. At the time I thought nothing of it. I guess that is how divine intervention/faith comes in. Here is a transcript summary .
S= Seamus aka "LT Barry"
C= CAPT Kisner
C= Welcome to TF 134.
S= Thanks Ma'am.
C= You will be working on these files over here once you get started. I will label them with stickies.
S= OK sounds good thanks Ma'am.
(Several days pass with CAPT Kisner using words to the effect of "Hey Barry where are the files we discussed.: She also peppered my files with sticky notes that read "Barry please work on this file first or here are more files for you." Hey Barry is it lunch already?"
C= Hey Barry, where are the files I told you to work on?
S= (With an ever annoying look of WTF and building irritation) CAPT Kisner, my name is Seamus or LT Barry... Pick one!
After the above "conversation" CAPT Kisner informed me that she was quite miffed and the words turd and other potty words rolled around in her mind after above outlined encounter.
It was this exchange of military customs and courtesies that would set into motion one of the most interesting and awesome love stories ever. In a span of just 48 months CAPT Kisner would become MAJ Barry. CPT Barry( by some minor miracle they promoted me after Iraq) and MAJ Barry would discover the finer things in life such as Rhudy's Jewelry and Pawn (The Pawn Shop is separate), Murcheson Road and the wonders of the Amtrak. We would also both dine in a steakhouse shaped like a sombrero (Pedro's South of the Border is awesome by the way) swim in a giant sink hole in Mexico and see Mayan ruins. Most importantly as a result of our meeting in Iraq, I was able to marry my best friend and someone who is tiny and compact and not full of "s!@#t." LOL. I heart ewe Christy. See you very soon.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Shady is relative
After being in Afghanistan for a total of nine months (8 months the last time and currently 1 month) my shadar is getting pretty good. I have now experienced a level of shadiness in two very different countries. Korea was my first test. There I encountered the Adashady. He is very good at his craft. There are two types of his shadiness. The first lies with the Adashady who works for the U.S. Government. He and his posse usually occupy one building all day long and maybe do about thirty minutes worth of real work. For the other eight and half they are usually a) sleeping b) washing their clothes in the common laundry facility or c) all of the above. Oh they also read the paper too. Usually when someone who the Adashady thinks is in charge or could "turn them in" comes around they feign work. You also have the American contractors (shady with contractor is like the silent p in pneumonia) They are usually in Korea to get away from something and you never really know what they do. They usually work at MWR, teach English or consult.
Afghanistan, on the other hand brings a whole new angle to shady. The local Afghan is very similar to the Adashady. Like Adashady, the Afghan has perfected the art of napping and eating with a little work thrown in. This is where the similarities stop. Here local national Afghans have also perfected the art of shakedown and bribery that would make those in Vegas blush. Bribery is a past time over here. Bribery usually comes in the form of a local national attempting to bribe non local nationals . In once instance a local national contractor offered to fire his current work force and hire a new one at half price but keep the current contract in place and split the money with the non local national. In another scenario one local national is paid by a non local national. He exits his work place and he goes through a tax collection lines of sorts. Usually hands are outstretched and his hard earned cash rapidly diminishes. I wouldn't feel too sorry for this individual because again it is all relative. Today he is shaken down tomorrow he returns the favor, in some way or another.
Contractors in Afghanistan are also shady. Most of the contractors over here "train people" or consult. The Afghanistan contractor is usually found frequenting the PX, the haircut and sucking up free wireless at the USO. The letters K B and R usually appear somewhere on their clothing. Like in Korea I am certain these guys also have a story of some sort. In Afghanistan the contractor makes lots of money and is shady. That is quite a combination. Although my study in shadiness is not scientific it is comprehensive and informative none the less.
Afghanistan, on the other hand brings a whole new angle to shady. The local Afghan is very similar to the Adashady. Like Adashady, the Afghan has perfected the art of napping and eating with a little work thrown in. This is where the similarities stop. Here local national Afghans have also perfected the art of shakedown and bribery that would make those in Vegas blush. Bribery is a past time over here. Bribery usually comes in the form of a local national attempting to bribe non local nationals . In once instance a local national contractor offered to fire his current work force and hire a new one at half price but keep the current contract in place and split the money with the non local national. In another scenario one local national is paid by a non local national. He exits his work place and he goes through a tax collection lines of sorts. Usually hands are outstretched and his hard earned cash rapidly diminishes. I wouldn't feel too sorry for this individual because again it is all relative. Today he is shaken down tomorrow he returns the favor, in some way or another.
Contractors in Afghanistan are also shady. Most of the contractors over here "train people" or consult. The Afghanistan contractor is usually found frequenting the PX, the haircut and sucking up free wireless at the USO. The letters K B and R usually appear somewhere on their clothing. Like in Korea I am certain these guys also have a story of some sort. In Afghanistan the contractor makes lots of money and is shady. That is quite a combination. Although my study in shadiness is not scientific it is comprehensive and informative none the less.
Monday, February 1, 2010
One way to get your car keys back
In the Army it is not unusual when you are deployed to have a motor pool of vehicles for common use. for various work tasks and other errands. We are all broken up into various sections in my office. Each section has a pool of vehicles for various reasons, including what I call PX Ops. Anyway, in theory the rule of share and share alike is implemented. If you need a vehicle you ask the vehicle monkey (e.g. an E-6 type in this instance) for a set of keys. Common sense tells you that you return the keys to him and there will be no problems. If it were only that easy. Anyway during one of our countless briefings the key monkey, after doing an accounting of his keys, discovered that he was missing one set. This set happened to belong to the truck that he drives.
One day goes by and still no keys. The key monkey, getting a little more agitated asked again in one of our countless meetings if anyone had the keys to his truck. Still no keys are produced and million mile stares and stone silence follows after he asks again. This goes on for about two days. During one of the same countless meetings that we have all been attending the key monkey did not mention the missing keys. Instead he plopped down what looked to be a box concealed in a white plastic garbage bag. At closer look it was a truck battery. Everyone was kind of looking at this object sitting on the conference table as the meeting went on. The key monkey, still seething that no one had returned his truck keys, stated "Today it is a car battery tomorrow it will be the wheels! I want my !@#@ truck keys back!" After a few giggles there were still no truck keys at this time. After conducting a mini inquisition of some of his underlings, the key monkey narrowed down the culprit to one. This one Soldier means well but would lose his head if it weren't attached. "The One" has a way of not getting stuff done but offering very elaborate explanations why. Anyway, after the key monkey conducted his grand inquisition on "The One," the One kind of sheepishly denied having the keys. After a few hours of the truck battery sitting on the table where one of our countless meetings occurred, the key monkey's truck keys miraculously appeared on the key monkey's desk. As a lesson on how not lose keys the key monkey has now placed objects on his keys that would rival any cinder blocks or other objects that gas stations or other stores use to prevent their patrons from either losing or stealing their keys.
One day goes by and still no keys. The key monkey, getting a little more agitated asked again in one of our countless meetings if anyone had the keys to his truck. Still no keys are produced and million mile stares and stone silence follows after he asks again. This goes on for about two days. During one of the same countless meetings that we have all been attending the key monkey did not mention the missing keys. Instead he plopped down what looked to be a box concealed in a white plastic garbage bag. At closer look it was a truck battery. Everyone was kind of looking at this object sitting on the conference table as the meeting went on. The key monkey, still seething that no one had returned his truck keys, stated "Today it is a car battery tomorrow it will be the wheels! I want my !@#@ truck keys back!" After a few giggles there were still no truck keys at this time. After conducting a mini inquisition of some of his underlings, the key monkey narrowed down the culprit to one. This one Soldier means well but would lose his head if it weren't attached. "The One" has a way of not getting stuff done but offering very elaborate explanations why. Anyway, after the key monkey conducted his grand inquisition on "The One," the One kind of sheepishly denied having the keys. After a few hours of the truck battery sitting on the table where one of our countless meetings occurred, the key monkey's truck keys miraculously appeared on the key monkey's desk. As a lesson on how not lose keys the key monkey has now placed objects on his keys that would rival any cinder blocks or other objects that gas stations or other stores use to prevent their patrons from either losing or stealing their keys.
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